The holidays are often our only chance to slow down, step into our old house, and really see our loved ones,  their routines, their energy levels, their home, their health. And this year? You might notice things you’ve never seen before

Maybe Mom says she’s “eating fine”… but you notice the same loaf of bread on the counter as last year.

Maybe Dad laughs at a story he told five minutes ago… because he doesn’t remember he already told it.

Maybe the house feels a little… quieter. A little emptier.

It doesn’t always mean something is wrong,  but subtle changes are often the first sign that support may be needed.

This blog isn’t about alarm bells. It’s about awareness.

Planning for care doesn’t begin with crisis, it begins with noticing.

As Eldercare Planners who work with families every day, we know that the holidays are often the turning point. Adult children return home, sense a shift, and quietly ask themselves:

“Is everything… okay here?”

If that question crosses your mind this holiday season,  you’re not alone. And you don’t have to figure it out alone either.

Use the guide and checklist below to help you observe with compassion, ask gentle questions, and start building clarity,  not panic.

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What to Watch for (and Why It Matters)

Here are some areas that commonly reveal early signs of change:

🍽️ Nutrition & Eating Patterns

• Is your loved one actually eating proper meals,  or living on tea and toast?
• Are leftovers old? Is food expired? Is the fridge nearly empty?
• Poor nutrition is one of the most common,  and most overlooked,  signs that help may be needed.

🧠 Memory & Cognitive Changes

• Repeating stories, forgetting appointments, confusion with dates,  these may be early signs that brain changes are occurring. One moment doesn’t mean a diagnosis. But a pattern might.

🚶 Mobility & Fall Risk

• Watch how they move around their space. Do they hold onto furniture? Avoid stairs? Hesitate when getting up?
• A fall is one of the fastest ways someone can lose independence,  prevention matters

🧺 Home Maintenance

• Is laundry piling up? Is mail unopened? Are appliances working properly?
• A clean, safe home is harder to maintain when energy, vision, or mobility changes,  and most seniors won’t say, “I need help.”

💊 Medication Management

• Do they know what they take and when? Are pill bottles organized properly? Any missed doses?
• Medication mistakes are one of the leading reasons for seniors visiting ERs.

😔 Mood, Isolation, & Social Connection

• Are they seeing friends? Do they seem lonely? Has their mood changed?
• Loneliness impacts health as deeply as smoking 15 cigarettes a day and is linked to dementia risk.

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A Gentle Way to Start the Conversation

You don’t need to interrogate. You don’t need to fix everything at once.

Try questions like:

“Hey Dad, what do meals usually look like for you during the week?”

“Mom, I noticed the stairs are tricky,  are they bothering your knees?”

“Have you thought about what support you’d want… if life changes quickly?”

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Clarity comes from conversation.

Conversation comes from compassion.

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Holiday Home Visit Checklist

A Quick Guide for Adult Children Visiting Their Aging Loved Ones

Use this as you observe, not to judge, but to notice patterns.

🔍 Home Safety

• Clutter-free walkways
• Working smoke detectors
• Clear paths to bathroom/bedroom
• Stairs, rugs, & doorways safe and secure

🧠 Cognition & Memory

• Repeating questions or stories
• Confusion with time or dates
• Difficulty following conversations
• Missed appointments or bills

🍽️ Nutrition & Meals

• Fresh, healthy food available
• Expired food in the fridge?
• Actual meals prepared, or only snacks/toast?
• Weight loss or dehydration concerns?

💊 Medication Safety

• Pill bottles clearly organized
• Knows what medications are for what
• No missed doses
• No duplicates or expired meds

🚶 Mobility & Daily Function

• Difficulty standing/walking
• New bruises or fear of falling
• Trouble dressing or bathing
• Avoiding stairs or certain rooms

💬 Social & Emotional Health

• Regular contact with others
• Withdrawn, quiet, or anxious
• Expressing sadness or loneliness
• No longer enjoying past hobbies

🧾 Finances & Paperwork

• Mail opened and paid
• Bills & paperwork organized
• Any confusion or avoidance?
• Power of Attorney & Will in place?

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What To Do Next

If even a few items on this list raised concerns,  it may be time to explore support before a health crisis forces quick decisions.

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This is exactly what Eldercare Planners do:

✔ Translate the system into plain language

✔ Build a plan that fits your loved one’s values and needs

✔ Help you act before things become urgent

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You don’t have to figure it out alone.

📞 Tea & Toast Eldercare Planners | 613-698-1319

🧭 Turning difficult discussions into confident decisions.

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